Published inKalinga Magazine·Aug 29, 2021O-WEEK INTRODUCTIONS: 5 WAYS TO JAZZ UP YOUR ZOOM CALL TODAY!“Okay guys! Time for introductions! We’ll go around the room, virtually of course haha, and everyone has to tell us a fun fact about themselves.” So this is how it goes. You find yourself in yet another zoom call, and it is the fourth time you’ve been asked to introduce…Kalinga2 min readKalinga2 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·Aug 27, 2021A Fresher’s Guide to Intellectual DominationI know why you are here. Finding yourself waking up at night haunted by the question, what if they don’t know? I mean how can they? You pictured yourself as Mr. Ashoka after getting that offer letter but the pandemic crushed your dreams. You suddenly hear all the stories about…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·Aug 24, 2021So-Weak BoundariesIt is the year 2073, and to the great surprise of its alumni, Ashoka University stands tall and proud, having withstood duststorms, Twitter storms and whatever ominous evil the fumigation schedule defeats. In honour of the Mars Exchange Orientation Week, @auconfessions has released from its archives some never seen before…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Jun 16, 2021The Jargon GlossaryThe Best Academic Glossary Ever: Navigating Transgressive Sesquipedalian Language (or if that’s too long: The Only Academic Glossary You Need To Ace Finals) Picture this: You’re in a 10:10, running on 4 hours of sleep, and some fucker who’s actually done the reading is saying words. That make sense. Or…4 min read4 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·Jun 16, 2021Six Months A PrisonerDear Mom, Dad, and Tinku, I don’t know when this letter will reach you. I don’t know if it will reach you at all. …Satire3 min readSatire3 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·Jun 10, 2021How-to for NeolibsSo, you’ve been quarantined again, I hear. What happened to the glass bubble or whatever it was that your campus was constructing? It was burst by external pressure? How tragic. So, you’re back to online learning. You poor thing. I sympathise. …Kalinga4 min readKalinga4 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·May 4, 2021An Academician’s Guide to Treating Marginalized People in AcademiaFind someone who is marginalized. The more marginalized sections their identity intersects, the better. (If you are still confused, think of collecting Pokemons) Become friends with them. (Note: You don’t have to put in any actual effort, you could rant about your life and other problems to them. Use them…Kalinga3 min readKalinga3 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·Apr 30, 2021Home Affairs LeakMinistry of Ghar ki Baat 30.03.21 To Shri. (REDACTED) Report on Trigger of Pandemic Bad Vibes over World (Second Wave) Dear Sir, As per your directions, prompt investigation has been led alongside scientific bodies, headed by Patanjelly, into the second wave. Findings are as follows: Probable Causes International Black Magic…Leaked2 min readLeaked2 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·Apr 9, 2021Spreading Positivity in SH5Covid is in the air. Before this pandemic struck RH5, there was love. A bunch of fervent lovers stood against all odds and transcended quarantine rules, tongue slapping against tongue. The CCTV scams tried as much as they could to clamp down on this infectious transmission but our resident dudebros…Coronavirus4 min readCoronavirus4 min read
Published inKalinga Magazine·Mar 23, 2021Founders, Town Halls, and Paneer Butter MasalaKalinga’s reliable analysts and stenographers are back at it again to give you *reliable* updates on the reality TV show, Founders, Town Halls, and Paneer Butter Masala. Our team was hooked onto our screens for this one, and we hear the TRP rating was quite high. Enjoy. “I don’t know…Ashoka University2 min readAshoka University2 min read
