An Abundance of Hickeys: An Essay on the Marks of Passion
Ima Fayke
This paper is a study of a specific class of hematomas, that is, redness due to breakage of tiny blood vessels close to the surface of the skin, known commonly as Hickeys. In this paper, I have classified samples found at Ashoka University into categories based on their respective abundance, the range of shades, sizes, and the typical refractory period of each type. Such a classification also made apparent a causal link between the sporting of hickeys and the impression the sport-er of hickeys (or hick-ee) gives off to the general public regarding their Darwinian fitness and thus desirability and popularity.
These Marks of Passion are commonly found adorning the sensitive skin of the neck, the collars, and a statement few on the sternum. They are usually in the red-purple spectrum, starting out Rash Red and progressively ageing like wine, to Wine Red. Some non-median samples were more Bruise Blue than Magnum Magenta, indicating kinkier forces in action. Most hickeys, due to the phenomenon of thrombosis, darken to Brokeback Brown before they dissolve away into the skin, sometimes leaving a Mellow Yellow patch on the spot for a couple of days. The ideal force of suction to leave a lasting hickey was found, with great difficulty and ingenuity, to be around 420 milliPa dm2. I was able to identify four pointedly different kinds of hickeys based on the parameters listed in the introduction. Though identified as separate, there is no reason to assume that only one kind can appear on the neck-vassesa at a given time. Multiple kinds usually share the space. I have listed them below in the order of most abundant to least.
The Subtle Suck:
4 out of 10 people with hickeys (P.W.H) advertised this one; light red to lilac brown in colour, these tend to be gibbous moon shaped, and last about a week, ending in a crescendo of brown around day 6. Although it is the most abundant one of the four, it tends to be the hardest to spot because of how subtle it is, and thus almost always requires a more thorough second observation. This is heavily taxing to the observer who has to from time-to-time, surreptitiously duck away from subjects’ lines of sight.
The Purple Pain:
Evidently the most painful to look at, yet sported by 3 out of 10 Hick-ees, The Purple Pain gives one more insight into the nature of the Hick-er; purple, oval-shaped bruises commonly found near and on the clavicle (a stark preference for the Left was observed), these were rarely spotted in isolation. This variety tends to linger the longest on skin.
Red Raspberries:
Notorious for the effort that goes into hiding these, so much so that people eventually stop even trying, this variety is made of several small reddish clusters. The tiny berry-shaped hickeys last the shortest, for about two days and about 2/10 P.W.H observed bore these.
The Pumped-up Kick:
Reserved for the very elite and revered demographic, only 1/10 P.W.H sported this one, almost always unabashedly proud of the previous night’s activities. Violently brown and large, this one surprisingly disappears in circa four days.
As a socio-anthropologist, what caught my interest while conducting the study was the link that was starting to take form between Popularity as a phenomenon that is deeply rooted in evolutionary psychology, and the phenetic implications of sporting hickeys openly. To put it simply, the repressed monkey brain is always on the lookout for robust mates and what better way of advertising your sexual prowess than showing off your purple-red bouquet of bruised skin! The ideal route followed by thoughts in the said Monkey Brain is this: you can only have received hickeys by participating in activities that may or may not have involved coitus. Since you have received a hickey or two, you must be at the receiving end of a lot of attention, for that one person decided to mark you out as their territory. Since you had to be marked out, you must be in demand, must be The Object of Desire, and as a prerequisite, popular.
(READ: HICKEY==MAKE OUT/ HOOK UP== THEM BE A DISH== I MUST PURSUE==THEY BE DESIRABLE== I EAT ONLY POPULAR APPLES (‘popular apples’ can only have become ‘popular apples’ because they were popular already)).
En course the study, I must admit, it did cross my mind that a few of these ‘hickeys’ could have been carefully staged and self-administered by means of the different kinds of irons (curling, straightening, clothes) at the subjects’ disposal. But they only go on to further prove my point that the hickey is perceived to have a rather implicit association with higher Darwinian fitness and thus, popularity.
a- neck-vasses = canvas that is the neck
References:
https://www.wikihow.com/Give-Someone-a-Hickey
https://www.jstor.org/Darwinian-fitness/Are-you-working-out-enough-to-make-Darwins-cut
https://www.quora.com/Do-people-at-Ashoka-University-have-sex
